Being a Stay-at-Home Mom Alaska

By Beth Weinhouse

Some of us always knew that after a maternity leave we'd be back at
work. Others of us knew we wouldn't, and couldn't wait to spend time at
home with our young children. But for all the women who go through
pregnancy serenely, certain of their path, there are many others who
agonize over what to do after the baby comes. Continue the career they
always loved? Or stay home with the baby they always will love?

According
to new Census Bureau data, more and more women are opting to stay home
with their newborns. Fifty-five percent of women with infants were in
the labor force in June 2000 (the most recent data), compared with 59
percent two years earlier. That drop, though modest, is the first in a
quarter-century.

Public opinion is behind this movement. A
Gallup Organization survey last year found that only 13 percent of the
people polled thought that the ideal family situation was for both
parents to work full-time outside the house. Forty-one percent believed
that the ideal would be for one parent to work full-time while the
other worked either part-time or at home. And another forty-one percent
felt that one parent should stay home solely to raise the children
while the other parent works.

But statistics don't tell the
whole story. "The data might show that fifty-five percent of these
women are in the workforce, but my question is, how many of them really
want to be?" says Cheryl Gochnauer, author of So You Want to Be a Stay-at-Home Mom?.
Gochnauer, who also runs the Website Homebodies, had always
wanted to be a stay-at-home mom, but assumed that her family couldn't
afford it. "I was a working mom for six years before I did the math and
figured that if you considered all my working expenses, I was only
clearing thirty-nine dollars a week," she says. "I asked my husband if
he could pick up that much extra in overtime. He said, 'yes,' and I
said, 'I'm outta there!'"

In addition to finances, women
considering staying at home with their children should also gauge their
partner's support, as well as how it will affect their
emotional/psychological happiness:

• Finances
  To consider how much money your family would
  lose by your staying at home, first subtract from your income all the
  expenses related to your working. These expenses include taxes,
  childcare, transportation, clothing, dry cleaning, lunches out, etc.
  What's left is the amount of money your household truly loses by your
  staying at home. Then see if you can compensate for the difference by
  either cutting back on extras (vacationing in Florida instead of France
  might be acceptable, but not having enough money for groceries
  certainly isn't) or finding out if your partner can make up all or most
  of the difference in income. Some women -- and all single parents --
  will find that their working is a financial necessity. But many women
  will be surprised to find that when all the expenses are figured in,
  the decision to have one parent stay at home is not as financially
  frightening as they'd thought.
  
  
  
• Partner Support
  This is a couples decision, and you
  and your partner need to be in sync about whatever you decide. For the
  most part, says Gochnauer, men aren't thinking in terms of touchy-feely
  issues such as your desire to be close to the children. "Men want to
  know the bottom line: how you're going to eat," she says. If a woman
  intent on staying home approaches her husband with everything lined out
  financially, chances are he'll support her decision to stay home.
  
  
  
• Emotional Health and Happiness
  While mothers who
  work full-time outside the home feel frustrated and guilty about the
  lack of time they have with their children, stay-at-home mothers feel
  plenty of frustration, too. The most common complaints of stay-at-home
  moms have to do with loneliness and sense of self. The isolation of
  being at home with small children can be quite a shock, especially for
  women who'd had full-time careers beforehand. And the loss of a title
  and job affiliation can mean a crisis of self-identity.
  
  Combat
  loneliness by joining local parenting support groups such as Mothers of
  Preschoolers or Mothers & More. Work with your partner's schedule
  to find at least one time a week where you can get out of the house on
  your own to be with other adults -- in a book club, adult education
  course, exercise class, etc. And definitely keep your work skills fresh
  for the day when you may want to return to your career. "Go out to
  lunch every few months with your old colleagues, take an occasional
  course, keep in touch with your old business associates and contacts,"
  advises Gochnauer.

By the way... all the above advice is
applicable to men, too. Gochnauer says that the past few years have
seen a new emphasis on the family, and that both men and women are
feeling the tug of home. "I've definitely seen an upsurge in the number
of guys who want to become stay-at-home Dads, too," she says.

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