Teenagers can be tricky. They follow different modes forms of communication. There are no fixed norms or rules to dealing with teenagers. It is important to understand their vibes, the body language, etc. Knowing and understanding their mindset is the key.
STEP 2:
Don't patronize them. Nobody likes to be patronized. Whenever you are in a conversation with your teenager, make sure that you don't just agree with them to please them. It's more fun when family time conversations have a light debate going on. Try to avoid yelling, but do not shy away from disagreeing with them. This often helps you to understand their point of view better.
STEP 3:
Give their ideas, suggestions and theories a fair trial. Teenagers always like to try out their new ideas; they like to experiment. Listen to their theories. If needed, suggest ways for them to come to conclusions or carry on with their analysis. Remember, you have the benefit of experience, but do not forget that times have changed. So put forth your experiences and help them draw their own conclusions. Make sure that you don't enforce your conclusions and opinions on them. Even if they fail, steer clear of the phrase "I told you so." They hate it, and in the future they might hesitate to discuss things with you.
STEP 4:
Don't, under any circumstances, invade their privacy. Teenagers are often very private about their rooms, maybe even more about their diaries and journals. Do not go through them to find out what is going on in their life. If something is bothering you, talk to them. Going through their personal belongings has two disadvantages:
1) If they find out that you've been going through their stuff, they will get angry and will become even more secretive. Then, communication will become even tougher, because they will lose trust in you.
2) Teenagers don't always write the exact facts in their diary, and what they do write may be for reasons other than the obvious. You'll just end up getting hassled over inconsequential matters.
STEP 5:
Step into their shoes when trying to fathom their behavior. Every person has a set of thoughts and beliefs that leads them into behaving in a certain way. Nobody knows your child better than you. If some particular behavior leads you to doubt them, start thinking like them. Step into their shoes. Teenagers have a lot going on in their lives - peer pressure, school politics, trouble with friends, crushes, etc. When they try to deal with it, they will get stressed out. Don't jump to "all-is-lost" conclusions. There is always more than that which meets the eye. Be patient. They will come to you if they can't deal with it.
STEP 6:
Always remember that they are smarter than you can comprehend. Teenagers are very smart, even when they lead people to believe they are not. This is an innately human characteristic. The mind continuously evolves, and it is no different for your teenagers. It is in your nature to look out for them constantly. However, while doing so, most parents start believing that their children are not smart enough to handle things on their own. You think "They are just kids. What do they know about life"? Believe it or not, they know quite a bit. Look out for them, but stay out of their way. You cannot keep doing things for them forever. They won't get a chance to learn to live if you keep constantly stepping in to bail them out. It's like teaching a child to ride a bike. You can hold on to the back for a while, but you have to let go sometime. Even if it means letting them fall a few times. No one learns to ride without a few falls, right?
Teenagers are complicated; nonetheless, understanding them can be a fairly simple task if you understand the fact that they are smart, responsible and individuals by themselves. Too many restrictions often cause a rebellious nature to get exposed. Parents have to be open to the fact that times have changed since they (the parents) were teenagers and the human race has evolved. The best you can do for your child is give them a loving atmosphere at home, making sure you have their trust and they have yours, have their back for a while, and beyond that, hope for the best. You are the parents--whenever they come across something that they can't handle, they will come back to you.
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