Divorce

Divorce is one of the most painful experiences some people will ever endure; yet more than a million people go through this process each year in the United States alone. Far more than dealing with the break-up of the relationship are all the day-to-day things that have to be dealt with, especially if there are minor children involved.

Child support & alimony can be difficult to resolve, as can issues dealing with custody & visitation, so it's important to get a good lawyer with plenty of family law experience. However, thousands of divorced couples have opted for the online divorce procedure, which can only be accomplished when both parties are in agreement concerning any property division, as well as child custody & visitation issues. Paperwork must still be filed with the court in the divorcing couple's jurisdiction; however, this is an option for people in all 50 states.

There is a lot of support for those recovering from the pain of divorce. Both online and in person divorce support and recovery groups can be found all across the United States, and thousands of men and women have found this type of support to be invaluable.

The spouse who is seeking the divorce often has an attorney long before the other spouse is even aware there will be a divorce. Sometimes spouses find themselves in the unenviable position of needing to find a divorce lawyer almost immediately. This can be a huge added stress to the already distressing situation of learning a divorce is imminent.

Divorce attorneys aren't hard to find, of course. However, it is an important decision to make, and your future could depend on your making the right decision. You'll want to find a family law attorney who has plenty of experience with divorce law. You can contact the American Bar Association for a referral in your area, and there are dozens of websites that offer their services, as well.

You may know someone who has been divorced and this type of referral can be the best kind. Talking with someone who has used a lawyer's services and is pleased is the best testimony to the attorney's capabilities. Resist the temptation to use the same lawyer as your spouse, regardless of how amicable the divorce proceedings are, as the attorney's only allegiance is to his or her client. You'll need your own attorney to protect your interests.

There are many websites where you can meet the love of your life, and there are quite a few sites where you can begin divorce proceedings, as well. Though you can't literally get divorced online, you can begin the process by filling out the paperwork specific to your state and then depending on the laws of your jurisdiction, you then mail, fax, or personally take the signed documents to the court.

Designed for uncontested divorces, one of the most popular of these sites was founded in 2000 by a Seattle attorney. Though the site doesn't dispense legal advice, it does provide customers with ready-to-file divorce papers after several questions have been answered. It even addresses the issue of child custody; however the parties must be in agreement for this to work. Child custody & visitation issues, as well as property division disagreements, require the services of a lawyer, and couples facing these issues aren't able to use the online services.

For those planning an amicable divorce, however, the price is much less than the traditional divorce costs. While filing fees vary depending on the jurisdiction and aren't covered by the services described on these websites, the Seattle-based site charges $249. Other sites charge from $199 to $349, which is a lot less than a divorce lawyer charges.

You'll want to make sure you are dealing with a website that provides state-specific rather than generic forms and walks you through the entire process rather than providing a mere do-it-yourself divorce kit. Filing for divorce in this manner is legal in all 50 states.

Divorce laws vary from state to state regarding everything to how you can file the petition to how property is divided. This is why it's very important if you are filing the paperwork yourself instead of hiring a lawyer that you make sure you are using the correct form for your state and not a generic form that can be found in some do-it-yourself divorce kits.

There are many online sites that provide links to each state's divorce laws. While browsing the laws of your state is no substitute for legal representation, you can most likely find the answers to at least some of your questions. Some of the websites that offer online divorce services also provide these links. Alternatively, you can search the laws of your state through your state's legislative website.

You'll want to be aware of the laws regarding residency requirements, if you haven't lived in the area long. You may have had to be a resident of the state in which you are seeking a divorce for a specific period of time and also a resident of the county in which the divorce papers are filed. Different states also have varying laws regarding what constitutes grounds for divorce and how long it will take the divorce to be final. States also have specific laws regarding how long one must wait to remarry after the divorce is final.

Child support & alimony are two very different things. The former is almost always required in the event of a divorce where there is a minor child, and the judge in certain situations may order the latter whether or not there are minor children living at home.

State laws vary of course, but in some situations, alimony is paid to the spouse with the smaller income in order that they may continue to live in the style they have become accustomed to. For example, if a stay-at-home mother who has never worked outside the home and her spouse who makes a six-figure income divorce, she may be able to receive alimony for a limited amount of time while she undergoes job training. Another determining factor is whether the spouses who are divorcing can come to an agreement regarding alimony, or if it will have to be ordered by a judge.

Child support is generally paid to the custodial parent by the non-custodial parent. It is usually paid out as a percentage of the non-custodial parent's wages. Sometimes it is paid voluntarily, but often it is deducted from the payee's salary as a garnishment. The state has the power to garnish the wages for the purpose of child support and after the state receives the funds, they are distributed to the custodial parent. In recent years, many states have toughened the laws against those parents who don't pay child support. Often referred to as "deadbeats," they can lose their driver's license, have their assets frozen, and go to jail.

It must be remembered that child custody and visitation are issues completely separate from child support & alimony. The only similarities between the two issues when dealing with a divorce is that the judge will usually go along with an agreed upon and reasonable request from the two parties. Thus, if both parents have agreed to joint custody, with neither parent paying child support and both parents contributing equally to the support of the children, most judges will acquiesce.

On the other hand, if one parent has sole custody and the other parent has visitation privileges, the parent with the physical custody of the children cannot withhold the children from the non-custodial parent for failing to pay child support. There are legal remedies one can take to collect unpaid child support; withholding visitation is not one of them. It is best, of course, if the parents can agree to the terms of custody and visitation without having to resort to a custody battle. Two people who have chosen not to remain married to one another can still be effective parents, and it is in the best interest of the children for the parents to present a united front.

Property division can be a sticky situation during a divorce. There are several factors that determine distribution of property during this time. Of course, the best case scenario is when both parties agree to an equitable distribution, but that's not always the case. If you live in a community property state, it's pretty much settled in that whatever each spouse had prior to the marriage remains his or hers, while whatever property and incidentally, debts, have been acquired during the marriage are split evenly.

Pre and post-nuptial agreements also figure into the property division equation. Pre-nuptial agreements are more popular, with the idea being to protect not only the assets one enters into the marriage with, but also the accumulation of money, property, or assets during the marriage. These types of agreements aren't necessarily designed to leave one spouse without any of the shared property; in fact, many of these agreements spell out exactly what the other spouse will receive should the marriage end in divorce. Sometimes it is a cumulative arrangement in that the longer the marriage lasts, the more money or property the spouse will receive.

Sometimes it takes a great deal of negotiation, often between the lawyers, to reach an agreement that appeases both parties. The important thing is to stay calm and read and understand every piece of paper that you sign.

Divorce is never easy, even under the most amicable circumstances. Feelings of loss, loneliness, anger, and despair are common, even if you're the one who is seeking the divorce. Many divorce support and recovery groups have sprung up across the United States offering support to millions each year. These groups are held in both religious and non-religious settings and often meet once a week for a period of a few months.

Some of these groups watch videos as a group and then break into smaller groups for discussion. Members share their experiences and friendships are forged. The best part is finding out you're not alone until gradually the healing begins. Members of these divorce support and recovery groups who show up at their first meeting sobbing and in shock go on to become leaders of successive groups.

There are also several online communities that offer support for the divorced. Issues such as parenting, finances, dating, and remarriage are discussed in the forums. You'll also find support from others dealing with child support & alimony as well as custody & visitation.

Statistics show that in the United States in 2005, 3.6 people out of every 1000 were divorced. While it's almost impossible to develop an accurate divorce rate, divorce is far too prevalent in this country and has been for some time. The reasons people get divorced today are the same reasons they've been getting divorced for years. Money, sex, lack of communication, and perhaps the most telling, lack of a real commitment.

In her radio program, Dr. Laura Schlesinger chastises callers for choosing their mates poorly in the first place. She makes a valid point when callers complain about some aspect of their spouse's behavior or lack of a certain behavior by asking the caller if their spouse exhibited this same behavior prior to the marriage. The answer is almost always the same; at which time the wise doctor points out that it's not fair to be mad at the spouse simply for being who he or she is.

Too many people, both men and women, think they'll be able to change their spouse's behavior once they're married. As this is rarely the case, disillusionment often sets in and sets the stage for divorce. As Dr. Laura points out, choosing your spouse wisely is the single most important step to ensure a long and happy marriage.