Finding time for you Alaska

By Helen Zelon

Most of the time when you're home with your baby, the days are filled with tender and sweet moments. But what about the other days when there's so much to do that even a shower must to be postponed to late afternoon? These are the challenges that try our patience the most. 

When good humor is the first thing to go, it's time to take a break.  As hard as it might be, you've got to get out and spend some time away. 

"Private time is as essential as sleeping or eating," says therapist and parent Shoshana Bennett, Ph.D., award-winning author of Beyond the Blues (Moodswings Press). "It's a basic necessity, not a luxury." Bennett points out that taking down time doesn't mean you're a bad mom. 

And Moms everywhere couldn't agree more. "If I hadn't carved out private time, I'd have gone nuts," says Jen Singer, author of 14 Hours 'Til Bedtime (Moms In Print) and founder of The MommaSaid Website, a humor and advice site for at-home moms.

If you need a breather, here are a few ideas to help you get started:

Dump the guilt  "The biggest gift to a baby is a happy mother," says Bennett. "Taking time is a necessary investment in the well-being of the family. It prevents problems later on." Simply put, a burnt-out mom is no fun for anyone.

Plan predictable pleasures  Give yourself something to look forward to by planning your personal time the same way you schedule doctor's visits, meetings, and other obligations. Write it on the calendar -- in ink. Three breaks a week are a good goal, advises Bennett. "It takes about an hour to realize you're not on duty and that nobody is pulling on a body part!"

Get help  Turn to extended family, neighbors, or hired sitters for extra hands.  Too often, mothers decline offers of help, saying "I can manage, thanks." But people love to help, and your kids benefit twice over: They make new connections with trusted adults, and reap the reward of a recharged mom.

Work it out  Lots of facilities, from swank health clubs to neighborhood Y's, offer babysitting. "I went to the gym to get a break from the kids and sweat off some stress," says Singer.

Date your spouse  Couples suffused with new parenthood, not to mention work and the rest of life, often forget to spend time together. Nurturing your marriage is an important part of raising a healthy family, Bennett says.  When you do go out, follow this ground rule:  Talk about kid stuff for 10 or 15 minutes, no longer.  Then it's on to adults-only conversation. Talk about books, music, politics and travel. This is your opportunity to connect as a couple.

Make yourself a priority  Find something that's yours and yours alone, whether it's scrapbooking or kickboxing. Taking the time to focus on yourself makes you stronger and gives you more to share with the people who need you.

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