By Carol Harding
Renowned child psychiatrist and pediatrician Dr. D.W. Winnicott wrote,
"In the very early relationship, the baby and the mother are at one."
He believed that babies do not exist (psychologically speaking) apart
from their mothers. Is it any wonder that many new mothers feel
overwhelmed and may lose track of themselves amidst the love and care
they give to their babies?
Dr. Winnicott had an interesting
way of describing the unique responsibilities of mothers. He observed
that some mothers "get left holding the baby-literally," and at times
they need help in sharing the "great responsibility which a baby must
always be to someone."
How can the mother of a new baby find
time for herself? It's an important question - in part because we know
that good nurturing can only be done by someone who is herself well
nurtured. There is research evidence, as well as personal experience,
showing that very young babies reflect the emotions of their
caregivers. As the old saying goes: When Mama isn't happy, nobody's
happy.
As important as it is to make sure we spend quality
time with our babies, we must also find quality time for ourselves.
Listed below are tips for doing this:
- Coordinate quality time for your baby with your own quality time.
When baby needs fresh air, take a good book, or a good friend, to the
park or the backyard. As baby wakes up from her nap, arrange some
flowers nearby or sit and daydream while baby spends quiet time on her
own. These moments are good for both of you and can lead to shared
rituals of quiet time later in childhood.
- Create partnerships with other parents. Share in playgroups or
naptime babysitting so that once or twice a week you have some time for
yourself. Turn your caregiver days into special social times for you
and your baby.
- Invite your partner or someone you know to babysit even when-
especially when- you have absolutely nothing to do. If this makes you
feel guilty, remember that taking care of yourself is a necessary part
of being a good mother.
- Look for places in the community that offer drop-in services.
Many churches, synagogues, community agencies, hospitals, and
businesses offer free or low-cost short-term child care.
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About The Author
Carol Harding is the Departmental Chair of Methodology/Human Development at Loyola University in Chicago.