How to Buy a Home With – or Without – Your Family

If you’re shopping for a new home where you’ll be living with other people, you’ve probably already realized that no one residence is likely to be ideal for everyone’s needs.

Perhaps your spouse wants a large luxurious house while you’d preferred a more modest residence. Maybe your child would be better served by a school district that’s a long distance away from your job. Or maybe you’ll be sharing your home with a retired parent or sibling who wants to live near recreation spots or cultural venues that don’t appeal to you. How can you accommodate what everyone wants?

Identify must-haves and wishes
A good first step is to make a written list of each family member’s needs and wishes. Then place those items that are absolute must-haves for each person on a combined "needs" list, and place those items that are desirable, but not necessary, on a separate wants or "wishes" list. Include the location, price and features of the home on all of your lists.

Identifying everyone’s wants and wishes needn’t be onerous, but instead can be a wonderful opportunity for your family to share their dreams about your new home. Bring your imagination and sense of fun to the process.

Consider next which of the must-haves are a function of location, which will be a fixed factor after you move, and which are characteristics of the property, which might be amenable to remodeling if you’re unable to find a home in the right location that has those features. The need for an extra bathroom or fenced-in play area might be easy to accommodate after you move. However, a too-long commute might require a job change to remedy.

Balance differing priorities
As you develop your lists, you’ll probably start to notice that some family members are more focused on the financial aspects of the home while others are more concerned about the suitability of the home for your family’s lifestyle. If you’re able to recognize these differences, you’ll be better able to balance the location, price and attributes of the property to meet everyone’s minimum requirements.

Manage family members’ expectations
On the flip side, some home buyers struggle with the involvement of relatives who won’t be living in the home. For example, parents who offer to lend a down-payment to an adult child and his or her spouse may take a personal interest in the home-buying process and expect their own needs and wishes to be considered along with those of resident family members.

If you’re in this situation, you’ll need to decide whether you’re willing to accommodate the preferences of people who won’t be living with you. If those preferences are important, go ahead and add them to your wants and wishes lists. If not, you may need to explain that you’ll be making your decision independent of their opinion. Either way, open communication, appropriate boundaries and stated expectations are key to keeping the peace in any home-buying family.