Living with for Aging Family Members

Living with family can be hard enough when it is just you, your spouse, and the kids. But, what about when your mother, father, or spouse’s parents have to move in? Here are some things to consider when preparing for living with an elderly family member.

 What will the living arrangements be?
Look at your home. Is it possible to create an in-law apartment? An in-law apartment has a few basic characteristics: its own entrance, kitchen, bathroom, and living quarters. Adding on to the top of a detached garage can make an excellent in-law apartment (if stairs are not an issue). A basement or small addition to your home can also work well.

What are the local zoning restrictions?
Check out the local restrictions before breaking ground on any addition to your home. In-law apartments can be illegal in some areas. In many cases, you can create an in-law apartment for living with an aging family member, but when that person no longer needs it, you may not be able to rent out the space. You may be stuck with an in-law apartment that cost a lot to add, but can’t use to make money. Essentially, you may be left with an expensive guest room. 

What about the relationship between you and the family member?
Living with family can mean sharing the same house or becoming just very, very close neighbors. Does this mean that your mother-in-law is constantly going to be over, perhaps critiquing your cooking ability? It’s a good idea to establish boundaries before the family member moves in. Be very specific. If using an in-law apartment, is the pop-in okay, or should there be a phone call first? Agreeing on clear boundaries can make the transition much easier for all involved. 

How will your siblings or other extended family help?
If you are willing to care for an aging parent, it makes sense that your siblings or other close family provide assistance, too. Again, set expectations up front. If a brother is across the country, obviously he cannot help with the daily care of your aging parent. But, he can help financially. Or, he can come stay in your house for a week here or there so that you can go on vacation and get a much-needed break.

If living with an aging family member means creating an in-law apartment that requires expensive renovations to your home, this can get tricky. You may expect your sibling to contribute, but his perspective may be that you are raising the value of your home with the renovation. Iron out an agreement that is fair to all involved, and don’t be afraid to have a lawyer draft up a document if money is involved. That can very clearly establish expectations and prevent misunderstandings later.

Be informed when preparing for living with an elderly family member. It is a challenging task. But, it can also be a rewarding experience, especially if you have kids who are able to share special times with their grandparents who are now their close neighbors.