Maid of Honor
Getting asked to be someone's maid of honor for her wedding is a huge honor as well as a huge responsibility that should not be taken lightly. The maid of honor plays an essential role for the bride as well as the wedding in general, and is the bride's "right-hand" lady in charge of many aspects that are related to the wedding.
The maid of honor is the head, chief, or main personal attendant (or bridesmaid) of a bride for her wedding and wedding day. She is also the ringleader of the bride’s bridal party of other bridesmaids. The maid of honor is also unmarried. If a bride chooses to select a married person as her primary bridesmaid, then she is called a matron of honor because of her marital status.
Generally speaking, a bride will select her sister (if they are close) or her best friend as her maid of honor. Other choices include her mother (if they are close), the sister of the groom, or a favorite cousin or aunt.
Some brides choose more than one maid of honor, or have a maid of honor as well as a matron of honor attend them at their wedding. This is common when a bride has more than one sister or two best friends, or a close sister and a best friend.
If you have been chosen as a bride-to-be’s maid of honor, and you have accepted the role, consider it a huge honor, but keep in mind that you will have many responsibilities in the months ahead. You will need to help plan and prepare, keep things organized, and act as the bride’s moral support.
As the maid of honor, you will probably play more of a role in planning the wedding than the groom. Some of the maid of honor’s typical duties with respect to wedding planning include helping the bride decide on locations for the ceremony and reception and making sure the venue is booked, choosing invitations and helping to address, stamp, and mail them out, selecting and ordering wedding decorations and favors, and then helping to decorate the venue(s) a few days before the wedding as well as helping to assemble or create the favors for each guest at the wedding.
A few other duties with respect to planning the wedding that the maid of honor can help out with include helping with seating arrangements for the reception, helping the bride to choose and order flowers, helping out with music selection, and helping to plan, organize, and be a part of the wedding rehearsal and rehearsal dinner.
Keep in mind that the maid of honor does not make any of these decisions for the bride. The bride (and groom) is responsible for making the majority of the important decisions regarding the wedding, but the maid of honor is there to give opinions, offer support, and lend a hand wherever and whenever needed.
One of the maid of honor’s main duties during her stint as the bride’s main “girl” has to do with the wedding gown and bridesmaid dresses. The maid of honor does not find, choose, or buy the wedding gown for the bride; rather, she goes shopping with the bride and helps her find the perfect wedding gown by giving opinions and offering suggestions.
The maid of honor also helps with the bridesmaid dress or bridesmaid gown. Generally, brides like to have each bridesmaid in their bridal party wearing the same bridesmaid dress in the same style and same color. Also, brides have traditionally picked out the bridesmaid dress themselves. However, it is becoming more and more popular now for brides to either choose a color and have each bridesmaid pick their own style, or to choose a style of bridesmaid gown and have each bridesmaid wear a different color or shade of the same color.
It’s also quite common for the maid of honor to wear a bridesmaid gown that is different from the bridesmaid dress the others in the bridal party are wearing. The bridesmaid gown for the maid of honor is often a slightly different style or different shade.
Probably one of the most fun aspects of being a maid of honor is that you get to plan the bridal shower as well as the bachelorette party.
These are normally planned as surprises without the bride’s knowledge. You will need to delegate and enlist the help of each bridesmaid in the bridal party in order to pull the shower and the party off successfully. However, keep in mind that you are in charge and making sure everything happens. You will need to think about the day, time, and venue, as well as activities, gifts, and food—and don’t forget the guest list for both events.
For the bridal shower, you may want to host it yourself or have another bridesmaid host it. Decorations, gifts, food, shower games and activities, and theme are all part of the bridal shower. The bridal shower is a bit more formal. And don’t forget, you’ll need to figure out a way to get the bride there without her suspecting anything.
The bachelorette party is more casual and fun, and the sky is the limit as far as options go. You can go bowling, roller skating, drinking, dancing, or any other activity. It’s tradition for the bride-to-be to have to wear something embarrassing and to do embarrassing things—which are all planned in advance by you and the other bridesmaids.
Here, “bridesmaid gifts” refers not to the gifts the bride gives to each bridesmaid, but the gift(s) the bridal party gives to the bride—usually at the bridal shower planned by the maid of honor.
The maid of honor is in charge of the bridesmaid gifts for the bride. She can meet with the other bridesmaids to discuss together what the bridesmaids gifts for the bride should be. Oftentimes, the bridal party will all come up with an idea, pitch in some money together, and the maid of honor is in charge of buying the bridesmaid gifts (or gift) herself, in time for the shower.
The maid of honor may also be in charge of the bridesmaid jewelry. This means the bride will leave it in the hands of the maid of honor to select uniform bridesmaid jewelry for each female in the bridal party and then purchase it (the bride or each bridesmaid can pay her back). The maid of honor may then keep the jewelry until the wedding day, when she distributes it amongst the bridesmaids. However, it is more common now for the bride to go shopping for bridesmaid jewelry herself and present it to her bridal party as gifts.
One of the most important responsibilities of the maid of honor is that she’ll be acting as the bride’s assistant and right-hand lady for whatever the bride needs on her wedding day. Another way of putting it is that you’ll be tending to the bride on her big day.
This is a tall order, but as the maid of honor, no matter how stressed you might feel on the big day, recognize that the bride is probably even more stressed and nervous, so set aside your feelings and do your best to help her out and make sure things run smoothly.
Some of the maid of honor’s responsibilities during the big day can include keeping track of each bridesmaid (and everyone else in the bridal party, including the groomsmen, best man, and groom) and making sure they are doing their part and are where they are supposed to be, doing what they’re supposed to do, at the right times; helping the bride get dressed and with her hair, makeup, and jewelry; acting as the messenger for communication between the bride and anyone else; helping the bride with her veil and train during the ceremony and reception; taking her bridal bouquet as needed; and acting as keeper of the groom’s wedding ring.
The are other responsibilities the maid of honor may need to take care of throughout the day; the best thing to do, however, is just to make sure you are there for the bride and you help her with whatever she needs.
Another one of the maid of honor’s “duties” (although this one is regarded as much more of an honor than a duty) is to sign the registry as an official witness to the couple’s marriage. This occurs during the wedding ceremony after the vows have been made, the rings have been exchanged, and the declarations have been made pronouncing the couple as man and wife.
This maid of honor task is quite simple, as it simply involves signing and dating your name on the official marriage license at the appropriate time during the ceremony. Usually the couple and the maid of honor and best man, as well as the ceremony performer, move off to the side of the stage to do the signing of the registry while music is played or performed.
If a bride has chosen more than one maid of honor for her bridal party, she must choose which maid of honor will sign the registry, because only one attendant for the bride (as well as the groom) can act as the witness to sign the official document.
Last but certainly not least, the maid of honor is generally responsible for giving the toast to the bride, although sometimes the bride selects someone else for this task. However, in any case, the maid of honor should give at least some type of speech for the wedding.
If you are the maid of honor and you’re a good writer as well as public speaker, this responsibility should be no problem for you. In fact, some confident maids of honor prefer to “wing it” and go off the cuff. However, most prefer to bring a prepared speech or at least notes.
If your public speaking skills could use some work, write out a speech in full and practice reading your speech in front of the mirror or even other people (just not the bride)—such as someone else in the bridal party, like another bridesmaid.
The maid of honor who is having a difficult time writing the toast or speech in the first place can enlist the help of others for the writing task. You can work together with another bridesmaid if you’d like, or others in the bridal party.
The best maid of honor speeches combine a touch of humor with a hint of sentimentality. Here are some ideas: funny stories of the two of you growing up together or since you’ve been friends, what the bride first told you about the groom when she met him, a socially appropriate embarrassing moment concerning you and the bride, what you love most about the bride, words of wisdom and advice, and your best wishes for the couple.
Although the role of maid of honor is, as noted, a huge responsibility with many tasks and duties involved, it is also considered a huge honor. If someone asks you to be maid of honor, don’t take this decision lightly. You might be tempted to say either “yes” or “no” without hesitation, but it’s worth your while to weigh the honor and benefits against the work and time involved. If you say “no” just because you think it’s too much work, then you might want to rethink your relationship with the bride-to-be. However, don’t be too quick to say “yes,” either.
Think of whether you have the time, commitment, and availability to do your duty of main of honor justice. You don’t want to let your friend or relative down if you accept. For example, if you are already married with small children at home, if you are a full-time student as well as a full-time employee, or if you live far away, being maid of honor might not be conducive to your lifestyle or situation. In these cases, accepting a less responsible role in the bridal party, such as a bridesmaid, guestbook attendant, or candle lighter, might suit you both better.
Give this important decision some careful consideration.