Nurturing Parenting Missouri

Parenting can be difficult if you are fully concerned with what is going on today—or last week, for that matter. Thinking ahead can make your life smoother and can help your children to become upright and useful citizens. Here are some things you can do to teach your children correct principles:

1. When Mary Drops the Peanut Butter. Spanking or screaming at Mary when she drops the peanut butter on the floor is not nurturing. It’s like the old adage; Don’t cry over spilt milk. Your child is upset enough after an accident and spanking or speaking loudly to Mary will just make you both unhappy. The best way to handle the situation is to say, "Whoops!" Then help Mary clean up the mess and tell her that there is a second jar of peanut butter in the pantry. (What, you don’t keep a second jar of peanut butter?!) When something like this happens, it may startle you. If you are having other problems, you may take the accident as an excuse to vent your spleen. Take a deep breath and say, "Whoops!"
2. When Billy Hits Nancy. If Billy hits his sister, Nancy, with his Nerf® bat, you, the parent, have two problems:
   • You need to correct Billy.
   • You need to comfort Nancy.

   The best way to approach the situation is to first comfort Nancy. You will be tempted to ban Billy to Siberia. Let that come later. After things have calmed down, take care of Billy.

3. You Are a Parent, Not the Grand Executioner. Do not use Spanish Inquisition techniques to determine why Billy hit Nancy but sit down with him and ask him to explain why he did it. He may say, "She took my ball" or "She hit me first!" You might ask Billy if he is going to hit his sister again. If he says, "yes," tell him the consequences. You might say, "If you hit your sister again, I will have to do something to correct you." Billy will wonder what you are planning to do to him if he screws up again. Let him stew a bit then say something like, "You know how you like cookies?" If he doesn’t answer, say, "Well, you do like cookies, don’t’ you?" After Billy ponders that, say, "No more cookies in this house—at least not for you." If Billy says that he is not going to hit his sister again, tell him that you are proud of him for saying that. Explain that hitting others does not solve problems. It only creates them. Give him an example if you can think of one: Cain hit Able and the blow killed him. The point is that we need to give children a chance to explain things. We need to take bad behavioral episodes as an opportunity to teach correct principles. ...

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Author: John T Jones, Ph.D.