Our brains are designed to learn. As a child growing up, your kids are exposed to a vast array of extraordinary information which is accommodated automatically.
When you start teaching your kids how to speak, write or read, you notice that you can’t really make the learning happen. It simply happens automatically.
And once kids learn how to say “Mommy”, they no longer have to think about how to pronounce the word or where the word comes from. When they think Mommy….they say “Mommy.”
Okay….so learning is automatic. Why is that so important?
For purpose of this article, it’s only important because execution is also automatic.
Notice…either we remember something or we don’t. Rarely does “trying” help.
When thinking about a difficult problem, we either come up with an answer….or we don’t. We can ponder it. But trying rarely helps us solve the problem.
Does “trying” really important when we get back on a bicycle after we haven’t ridden a bicycle for years. Not really.
If someone tosses us a ball, and we see it coming, we reach out and catch it. Do we have to think about it? When you get up in the morning and you begin your morning routine, do you have to think about what you’re going to do first, or second, or third? Do you have to think about how you’re going to brush your teeth today? Not likely.
One of the unique aspects of being a human being is all of these behaviors, routines, and knowledge become automatic. In fact, most of the routine aspects of our day to day behavior are “triggered” by external events. The alarm goes off, and we go into our morning routine.
To the extent that life is working out pretty well for us, it’s likely that we give little thought to that morning routine.
On the other hand, to the extent that we are struggling, perhaps depressed or overwhelmed, we may find ourselves thinking about that morning routine. We may struggle with what to do next.
Automatic routines are our friend.
Any set of routine behaviors that can be automated will only serve to make our life better. Notice how this works.
Any where in our lives that we possibly can, we want to automate our behavior so that we don’t have to “think about it.” Have any of you tried to give a convincing talk when you “think about” every word you’re going to say! It doesn’t work.
Have you tried to “think about” how you’re going to hit a golf ball? It produces horrendous results.
Of course, we can think about it before hand. We may even need to think about it in preparation but for the execution to be flawless….it’s better when we rely upon our automatic brains to complete this.
Why this is important at home!
When it comes to helping your kids live a life of effortless ease, it is critical to learn how to automate their day to day routines. The more these are automated in a way that requires little thought and few decisions on a day to day basis, the easier that life will be.
Why?
Because it frees of their time to focus on what’s really important. They can focus on learning what it is they’re suppose to learn. They can focus on enjoying their day. They can focus on being with their friends.
The value of consistent routines.
One of the ways that we learn to move through our day in a somewhat automatic fashion is that we develop a consistent structure and routine, and we stick with it. If there is a part of our day that can be routinized, it’s a benefit to do this so that we’re not thinking about it. We aren’t constantly evaluating it. We aren’t putting effort into relatively meaningless decisions….and instead we save our brain power for more important decisions.
The implications for this are enormous. Not only can we teach kids how to automate their daily routines, through a consistent structure with few opportunities for negotiation or decision making, but we can begin to consider how to automate their creative or problem solving capacities. For now however, I invite you to simply recognize the power of the automatic brain. It’s always functioning. It’s always working. And the more that you take advantage of it, by limiting the negotiations, decision making, and struggles around day to day events…the more your children will fall into a pattern where the day to day routines occur without angst…without effort….without a waste of brain power.
Dr. Randy Cale, a Clifton Park-based parenting expert, author, speaker and licensed psychologist, offers practical guidance for a host of parenting concerns. His Web site,
www.TerrificParenting.com,, offers free parenting guidance and an e-mail newsletter.