Adopting teenagers can be quite a challenge for any foster parent mainly because it entails parenting an adolescent who is going through a lot of changes. Adolescence in itself can stress out any child and his parents. The strains of adoption can add to the pre-existing issues that the child is going through. If you’re thinking about teenage adoption, below are helpful teenage adoption tips to ease you into the process.
Help the child cope with his/her identity issues. Generally, teenagers are always concerned about who they are and how they became the person that they are. A child who has been jumping from one foster home to another during his childhood may need to find his roots once he reaches adolescence. As an adoptive parent, you should encourage this instead of trying to mold the child into your own ideals. Of course, you should still guide the child with the things that he shouldn’t be doing, but never try to hamper the child’s creativity. If you’ve always wanted a sporty child but your teenage foster son or daughter is really more into writing or theater arts, don’t try to force your preferences on him. If he makes an attempt to find out who his birth parents are, be there to support him. The child will need you by his side.
Be dependable and don’t trigger your teenager’s fear of abandonment. Teenagers who are put up for adoption have most likely been transferred from one foster care to another. Some may have been forced to move out of their homes because the adults in their biological home were unfit to take care of him. If this happened to an infant, and the child you’ve adopted grew up with you all your life, it might be easier to let him adjust to your family. However, an adopted teenager will always feel displaced, and will probably keep you at arm’s length because he fears getting too attached to you. The child’s experiences in the past are bound to produce trust issues in him. For this reason, you can’t afford to break promises as a foster parent. When you say you’re going to attend his school play, be there on time and pay attention to the entire play. When you say you’re fixing dinner, do it. Teenagers are generally emotional, and even if the child doesn’t show his disappointment outright, you can be sure that your little actions will hurt your teenager’s feelings. If you want your adopted child to open up to you, prove to him that you can be trusted.
Be aware of anger issues in the child. Children who have been put up for adoption will always carry feelings of insecurity and anger with them. Even if the child doesn’t open up about these feelings of anger at first, these will manifest in one way or another. Your adopted teen may be angry at the adults in his biological home for displacing him, or he may be angry at himself for not being old enough to stay with his family. If you think that such angry feelings burden the child, you should sign up for counseling. It will take time for your child to be unburdened by these negative thoughts, but it’s better to face these issues now before they magnify and carry on well into his adulthood.